Where Does the Music End and God Begin?
Is it Therapy, or Just a Really Good Song?
An AI image of musical notes transitioning into leaves and foliage.
Stay with me on this one, it’s actually about therapy.
Many years ago, a friend invited me to her church. I’m not religious, but I love people and community, so I happily joined the celebration. The band was incredible, the music built into this wave of hair-raising joy and connection.
Afterwards, I shared my excitement with my friend, and she said something that has stayed with me, a perpetual puzzle:
“Hmm. We have to be careful that people don’t mistake the joy and power of music for the love of God.”
That stopped me in my tracks. As someone who isn’t sure there is a God, I wondered: How can we know that God isn’t the music? That the music isn’t simply the medium through which his/her/their love (definitely a woman’s love, surely?) is shared? Is it true that we can be “tricked” by a melody into a false sense of spiritual connection?
Lately, I’ve been considering similar thoughts in my supervision room.
We’ve all had those “goosebump moments” in the chair. It’s that second where the air in the room changes, the hairs on your neck rise, and a profound sense of connection and recognition fills the space. In those moments, it feels like this is it. This is the healing.
But then, the questions, the Imposter Syndrome kicks in.
A little voice, maybe the ghost of a stern tutor or a particularly rigid therapeutic framework, whispers: “Careful now. Are you just enjoying a ‘high’? Is this actually therapy, or are you just two people having a lovely, emotional moment while the real work sits untouched in the corner?”
An AI image of two therapy chairs with music notes joining them.
The Supervision Corner: Two Ways to Look at the ‘Gaffa Tape’ and the ‘Glow’
When we talk about these moments in supervision, we usually find ourselves caught between two brilliant theories:
The “Moments of Meeting” (Daniel Stern): Stern tells us that the “music” is the work. These unscripted, human outbursts of connection are what actually change the brain, “Moments of Meeting.” If you feel the goosebumps, Stern would say: Don’t overthink it. You’re doing the work.
The “Collusive Glow” (Mearns & Cooper): On the other hand, we have the warning of the “glow.” This is when we use the “music” to avoid the difficult, discordant notes. It’s the fear that we are “performing” a breakthrough because it feels better than the slow, gritty, boring slog of actual change. It’s the worry that we’re chasing the crescendo of the song because we don’t know how to sit in the silence of the verses.
So, as therapists, are we music-seekers? And if we are, does it matter?
If a young person who has felt invisible their whole life finally feels “the music” in a room with you, is it an “indulgence” to enjoy that? Or is the joy itself the evidence of the ‘work’ (or whatever you choose to call that force) finally breaking through the noise?
Duarte et al (2020) would argue that the moment is not just a moment but part of a larger episode, often leading to positive clinical change.
I’ve noticed that the “real” work often reveals itself in the session after the big breakthrough. If the music was real, the quiet of the next session feels safe. If it was just a “trick” of the melody, the quiet feels empty.
The Question for You: Do you trust the goosebumps? Or do you find yourself waiting for the “music” to end so you can get back to the “real” work?
It’s lovely to share a few quiet moments with you today.
Until next time,
💛🌿 Helen
About the Author: Helen Gifford is a counsellor, supervisor, and author of ‘A Practical Guide For Working Therapeutically with Teenagers and Young Adults’.
Support this work: 📕 Order the Book: A Practical Guide for Working Therapeutically with Teenagers and Young Adults ☕ Buy me a toasted teacake: Ko-fi 🌿 Work with me: Clinical Supervision and Training via www.branchcounselling.co.uk
Author Note & Transparency: All case studies or stories are fully fictitious to illustrate the experiences many professionals face; no confidentiality has been broken. I recommend resources based on a combination of clinical experience and consideration of available evidence. These are offered for interest only and are not endorsements of scientific efficacy or clinical recommendations. Please apply your own critical judgment.
References:
Duarte J, Martinez C, Tomicic A. Episodes of meeting in psychotherapy: an empirical exploration of patients’ experiences of subjective change during their psychotherapy process. Res Psychother. 2020 May 21;23(1):440. doi: 10.4081/ripppo.2020.440. PMID: 32913827; PMCID: PMC7451336.
“Relational depth: what the research is telling us?.“ N.p., n.d. Web. 11 Apr. 2026 . https://pureportal.strath.ac.uk/en/publications/relational-depth-what-the-research-is-telling-us/