Self harm, substance use, risk behaviours are not the problem.
The fact the young person is always talking back, getting in fights, is a school refuser, never has equipment, is always in detention is not the problem.
All these are symptoms and until we work with the actual problem, it won’t change. Usually if we ‘fix’ the symptom, then the person will symptom jump, and if they jump to something socially acceptable then they can get lost along, with their problem.
They may have resolved their behavioural issues in school but it because they are smoking cannabis to stay calm, they might have stopped drinking but they are obsessively working out, they may be less aggressive but they are self harming in unseen places. They may have stopped self harming but they are now experiencing strong suicidal ideation.
Within certain communities or groups some of these symptoms wont be recognised, they may even be encouraged; the drinker who is always a good laugh after a few, the smoker who is always outside for a chat, the person who entertains the other students with their cheek, the one who has just always been trouble.
These behaviours are usually serving as coping mechanisms for dealing with unresolved emotions, trauma, mental health disorders, or other significant stressors in life.
Understanding the Root Cause
To effect meaningful and lasting change, it is essential to address the root causes of these behaviors rather than just the symptoms. Here are some steps to consider:
Identify the Underlying Issues: This might involve exploring past traumas, ongoing stressors, and mental health conditions such as depression or anxiety. Therapy and counselling can be invaluable tools in uncovering these root causes.
Develop Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Once the underlying issues are identified, it’s crucial to develop healthier ways of coping with them. This might include practices such as mindfulness, exercise, creative outlets, or building a strong support network.
Education and Awareness: Understanding the nature of these behaviours and their root causes can empower individuals to seek help and make positive changes. It is important to be realistic about the consequences of their current negative strategies and that there is accountability alongside understanding. The boundaries of the support can be helpful in modelling this here, for example not coming to support sessions under the influence, accessing medical support etc.
Holistic Approaches: Approaches that consider the whole person—mind, body, spirit, environment and community —can be particularly effective. This may include a combination of therapy, medical treatment, lifestyle changes, and support groups. If this is a young adult it can be particularly challenging to bring together education, family and peers together in that understanding, especially when the young person has gained a negative reputation in those different environments. Holding awareness and space for exploration here is important.
Patience and understanding: Often in the beginning these new strategies have to be nurtured while the negative coping strategies are still happening. The negative behaviours have continued because they are effective; they act as a way to numb complex feelings, to distract, to draw attention and care (even if negative), to perhaps soothe the nervous system. To step away from something that has felt like a solution, a temporary distraction or safe space is hard and won’t happen overnight.
Continuous Support: Recovery and change are ongoing processes. Continuous support from friends, family, and professionals is key to maintaining progress and preventing relapse.
Building a Supportive Environment
Creating a supportive and understanding environment is essential for individuals dealing with these issues. Encouraging open conversations about mental health and providing resources for assistance can help individuals feel less isolated, and more willing to seek help. Changing the narrative around young people being problematic, challenging, wrong’uns, a lost cause, is key to recognising that we can help here.
In conclusion, addressing the root causes of self-destructive behaviours is essential for fostering long-term well-being, as well as better communities.