Baby Steps
In a busy chaotic life, one simple mantra stands out: "something is better than nothing."
I have always been a perfectionist, the urge to be in control is strong. I was the 6 year old walking out of school with all my shirt buttons done up and my tie straight, I cried if I got a question wrong and my dolls house was immaculate. And in today's world we are continuously shown perfect outfits, perfect hair, perfect exercise routines, families, careers.
But life isn't this perfect and it doesn't let you hold this level of control, you have to live with other people, deal with illness, injury, the chaos of the world. instead of living by the old expression "if a job's worth doing, it's worth doing right" which is not always helpful. What I have learnt in my older years is "something is better than nothing". When the task feels insurmountable due to tiredness, mental fatigue, depression, overwhelm then often we procrastinate or completely avoid the task. Nothing gets done and the consequences including guilt or shame follow.
You may normally have a shower every day but it's better to rinse your face than do nothing.
The exercise routine includes a run, but a walk around the block is better than nothing.
You planned going to the coast for fresh air but sitting on your back step is better than nothing.
Your friends invited you to an intensive revision session, but listening to a podcast about the subject whilst lying in bed is better than nothing.
It’s hard to get out of bed and face the world, so the baby step maybe to simply open the curtains.
Real-Life Example: Overcoming Exhaustion
A young adult has recently started a new job with long hours, they are on a steep learning curve and being given a lot of the tedious jobs the other employees don’t want to do. They have moved into a new flat with a prickly flat mate and are struggling to keep up with housework and the paperwork that comes with being an adult, they are exhausted. They have started to avoid anything that isn’t essential to help them get to bed earlier. Dishes, letters, washing are all piling up and those piles are becoming more and more intimidating.
They learn about the idea that ‘something is better than nothing’ and decide to try it. So instead of doing all the dishes, they wash a bowl and spoon for their cereal the next morning. The next morning is a little less rushed because of this. They pick out some non delicate clothes that can be washed and dried quickly and put a load in. They open 3 letters and decide if they are urgent or not, putting them in piles ready for another day.
Real-Life Example: Overcoming Anxiety
Consider a teen struggling with severe anxiety. The thought of attending social events or even stepping outside her home triggers intense fear. Her therapist suggests starting with small steps, like sitting on their back step, not at risking of seeing anyone but hearing the outside world, then stepping outside her front door for a few minutes each day. Initially, this seems insignificant, but over time, these small actions build her confidence. Eventually, they find themselves not only stepping outside but also engaging in short conversations with neighbours. Each tiny victory reinforces the belief that they can manage their anxiety, and they continues to make gradual progress.
The results:
Small steps like this reduce the risk of failure. In the example above about overcoming anxiety if they forced themselves to the local shopping precinct, they are likely facing several triggers at once, perhaps even seeing the bully’s that started the decline of this young person’s anxiety, it would be easy to interpret the big emotions this would cause, as a good reason to stay indoors. Small steps build confidence, skills and resilience. Knowing you can step outside, or wash some dishes means its more likely you feel able to take the next step.
The principle of "something is better than nothing" can create a ripple effect, extending beyond the initial action. When clients experience success, no matter how small, it can motivate them to tackle bigger challenges. This momentum is crucial in the therapeutic process, as it fosters a sense of accomplishment and empowerment, building healthy habits.
How can we help?
Therapists and those in supportive roles can help in guiding clients through the process of taking baby steps, as this concept is often unusual to people. We have often been brought up to ‘keep calm and carry on’ ‘put on your big kid pants’ ‘just get on with it’. Instead of feeling this pressure we can help clients identify achievable goals, provide support and encouragement, and celebrate even the smallest successes. By emphasising the value of small actions, therapists can help clients shift their focus from perfection to progress.
The journey through counselling or self development is rarely a straight path, and progress often comes in small, incremental steps. Embracing the principle that "something is better than nothing" can make the therapeutic process less overwhelming and more attainable. By celebrating small victories and recognising the power of baby steps, clients can build the foundation for change and growth.
Image of a person opening their bedroom curtains in the morning, the light streaming in.
Remember every step counts, no matter how small.