Is Laziness Real?
I have long felt uncomfortable when anyone mentioned that they felt they were being lazy.
When we explored it more, it was never laziness—it was exhaustion, fear, avoidance, inability, or feeling deskilled, but never laziness. More recently, when I've felt comfortable expressing that I don’t believe in laziness, most people react with relief because "lazy" is really a way of trying to motivate someone, often yourself, through shame. Self identifying as lazy is damaging in itself, how demotivating and sad to think that you are inherently lazy as a person!
An illustration of a young person lounging on a sofa, their hand trailing the floor.
Understanding Teen Behavior
Teens are often labeled as lazy. Why? Often because they sleep more, which we know is biologically necessary to support physical, emotional, and psychological growth. They might stay up later to keep up with group chats, support friends, or because they can't sleep due to stress or feeling dysregulated. None of this is laziness.
Teens may also be called lazy for not completing homework, not accepting a work shift, or forgetting to empty the dishwasher—again! Often, this is due to distraction, different priorities, an inability to prioritize, or a lack of time, motivation, or inclination. Something deeper than laziness. Teens deal with a multitude of things every day, and sometimes one of those things they prioritise is rest.
The Problem with the Term "Lazy"
In fact, the term "lazy" is lazy linguistically because it is a blanket term that is easy to use and doesn’t really get to the bottom of the issue. It aims to motivate through shame, which is never a good or healthy long-term strategy.
A New Perspective
Instead of labeling behaviors as lazy, let's dig deeper. Here are some reasons why someone might seem lazy:
Exhaustion: Physically or mentally drained individuals might struggle to complete tasks.
Fear: Anxiety or fear of failure can paralyze someone, making them seem unmotivated.
Avoidance: People might avoid tasks because they are overwhelming or unpleasant.
Inability: Sometimes, a lack of skills or knowledge prevents someone from completing a task.
Prioritisation: Different priorities or an inability to prioritise can lead to missed tasks.
How to Support Teens
As professionals and parents, it's crucial to understand these underlying issues and support teens accordingly:
Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge that what they are experiencing is real and not simply laziness.
Encourage Open Communication: Create a safe space for them to express their struggles without fear of judgment.
Help with Prioritisation: Teach them how to prioritise tasks and manage their time effectively.
Support Rest: Recognize the importance of rest and ensure they have time to recharge.
Provide Resources: Offer resources to help them build the skills they need to succeed.
By addressing the root causes and providing support, we can help young people thrive without resorting to the harmful and inaccurate label of laziness.