Hot girl summer/ Sad girl season?
Summers as a child are usually often considered idyllic - no school, lie ins, playing in the garden, computer access, possibly holidays and definitely ice lollies.
There are children who have a different experience for a variety of reasons; because they are young carers, live in homes with domestic abuse, poverty, isolation, illness. The polarity whilst incredibly sad is slightly less obvious in young childhood as children are less aware of comparison and have less access to their peers lives via social media. This disparity becomes more obvious the older young people get and certain summers come with a lot of pressure.
The pressure of expectations
The GCSE year is a year filled with stress, pressure, revision and exams, and the shining light at the end is the long summer. The same is true for the A level year and other college and degree exams. The talk is about how amazing the summer is going to feel after the pressure of the year. And for some this is absolutely true - trips with friends, bubble teas in town, ice cream at the beach, some epic house parties, nights out, holidays and great stories.
Financial burdens
But this brings a lot of pressure to have a great time, to have plans, to have the money to execute these plans. The Independent reported that the average parent spends over £1000 on a teenager in the summer with 40% worrying about the costs, which is understandable as 1 bubble tea costs almost £5 and a pint of beer is £5.14. So this part time summer might come at the cost of a lot of shifts at a full time retail job. The reality is that some people are going to the Maldives for the sun and some people will be sitting on their back step for the sun.
Accessibility of friends
Having accessible friends is another key factor. Lots of young people don’t have close friends, they may have someone they sit with in maths but not someone they would see out of school. They may have a great online friend who is miles away, university friends that disperse all across the country at the end of term, or a best friend who is off the bus route, they may have pulled away from any potential friends after previous bad experiences or have no connections at all. 2 months without any interaction with peers feels like a long and lonely stretch.
Confidence and social skills
Without confidence, being in those spaces also becomes hard, to know where to go, what to wear, what to say, what to drink, know what is on trend and what is not cool. It feels like a big jump from meeting a few friends in the park to meeting them in a heaving club, and this change feels like it happens fairly quickly and can be a bit too scary or inaccessible, especially if you struggle with overstimulation, or anxiety.
Curated realities
And so for all these reasons and more, some people don’t have the epic summer, they are doing other things, or absolutely no things. But because of the magic of social media they get to watch the carefully curated version of what feels like, everyone else having the ‘best summer ever’ which just makes their summer feel even worse.
A sunset image of silhouetted young people jumping/cheering on the beach.
How to help -
So how do we help, how do we take the pressure away, not only from exams but also the summer?
Recognise and validate difference. We talk about it, we recognise that everyone has different circumstances, lives look different, accessibility is different, privilege is different and that is fine! This can come from all adults; parents, teachers, youth workers, pastoral support, social workers and therapists.
Educate about social media. We educate that social media is always curated and even the people seemingly having the best time have a mosquito bite on their arse or are watching their parents move towards a break up, and the person seemingly having the most boring time is making amazing memories with their grandparents, or having hilarious dance parties in the stock room at the end of a shift. And the days pass and there is opportunity for change in another season.
Encourage outreach and connection. We advocate for reaching out to others; to visit the friend living off the bus route, to have a virtual picnic in the park with online friends, to smiling at the shop assistant who is working through their hot girl summer to pay for their education. We praise those who are making those difficult choices, like working, or campaigning, working on their mental health, caring for family or simply taking a very needed break.
Support healthy habits. An 8 week plus summer can allow for plenty of negative habits to sit in, but also positive habits to form. For some this may be about sensible substance use, safe sex, managing their spending, understanding how an overdraft works and that eating some fruit now and again might be wise. For others it will be reminding them that getting out is important, taking a break from work or care is ok, having connection with others is healthy and for both self care is key.
Summer is not even always sunny and that is ok, by removing the pressure we can help young people (and ourselves) find a healthy balance.