Unmasking Young Adulthood

Who are we comparing ourselves against?

The years of young adulthood are often characterised by relentless performance and comparison. It's a time when many feel the pressure to measure up to some elusive standard of academic success, social skills, beauty, or happiness. But who are they really comparing themselves to? More often than not, we are all judging our own messy, complex insides against other people's polished outsides. We're comparing ourselves to masks, not to the true, imperfect selves behind them.

This phenomenon is particularly poignant for young adults in the age of social media, where everyone curates their best moments and hides their struggles. If someone is sharing their struggles it is often dramatised and performed especially for an audience, leaving people thinking they are not even ‘managing their struggles’ properly. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that everyone else has it all figured out while you alone are grappling with uncertainty and self-doubt.

A quote from Meg-John Barker, in their book Rewriting the Rules: An Anti Self-Help Guide to Love, Sex, and Relationships, inspired my thoughts here. MJ challenges conventional norms around love, sex, and relationships, encouraging readers to question the societal rules that often dictate our self-worth and happiness. This mindset is particularly liberating when it comes to the constant comparisons we make in young adulthood. MJ has a wealth of inclusive and accessible literature and information around exploring and understanding gender, identity, sex and relationships. I highly recommend their resources.

All our lives we compare ourselves to others, making judgements based on the world we see around us both online, in media and in real life. This is especially heightened in young adult hood when young people are trying to figure out who they are and who they want to be.

Our ‘inside thoughts’ are messy, we are programmed to think of all the options, even the mean, stupid, ridiculous ones. We filter them out and decide on something that hopefully is right for us in that moment, of course sometimes making mistakes. But we do think about all the stupid thoughts first.

It is easy to compare the messy thoughts in our mind with the polished mask that someone else performs, especially in a curated online platform, but it is not a fair comparison - we are all messy on the inside, full of rough drafts and half finished projects.

By recognising that everyone is wearing a mask to some extent, and having the same internal conflict about which ‘draft’ to present, we can begin to dismantle the unrealistic standards we hold ourselves to. Instead of striving to match idealised, external image, we can focus on understanding and accepting our own unique story.

As we support in the navigation of the various ‘performances’ of young adulthood, it's crucial to remember that the comparisons we all make are often based on incomplete and misleading information. By unmasking both ourselves and others, we can find a more compassionate and honest approach to our own journey .

In the end, the journey of young adulthood is not about outshining others but about embracing who we are beneath the masks, stepping away from competition and comparison. It's about rewriting the rules to live a life that's genuinely our own, success that isn’t defined by others.