The Power of Hope and holding space

This reflection is inspired by the book 'On Living,' where Kerry Egan delves into the profound experiences of her work as a hospice chaplain, offering a unique perspective on life, death, and the power of hope and resilience. Her narratives, often drawn from her own experiences, shed light on the deep emotional and spiritual processes that accompany the end of life.

However this is not just a book to read if you support end of life care, or even processing grief yourself (though if so, you should also absolutely read this book), but Kerry’s words reminds us that sometimes, in the face of our greatest challenges, all we need is a glimmer of hope to keep us going. There is a beautiful message in this book that warms my soul whenever I read it.

Kerry isn’t talking about counselling in the standard sense, and it is different to the type of therapy I do as I am often working with young adults, but the sense of holding space and hope for someone rings very true in all supportive work.

For adults, often looking back at the teenage years, they seem full of hope; young people have all their years, decisions, pathways to come, the word is their oyster. However for young people, in the moment, it feels very different.

The teenage years are often turbulent, they are usually on a fixed path, following the educational expectations to move through school years, assessments and exams. Following that they need to get a job and become self sufficient; paying for accommodation, bills, necessities. During this time they also need to comply to parent rules, school rules, social expectations; be confident, but not arrogant not be too skinny, but not too big, not too loud, not too quiet, not geeky, not stupid, not glued to a screen, not ignorant. To be in the middle of these demands without control of their own accommodation, finances, perhaps not even able to decide what they wear and eat, can feel hopeless. ‘What’s the point if I can’t change it, no one understands, I'm stuck here in this place.’ And because most young people go through this, there is not the recognition that it is hard, that it can be distressing, upsetting and lonely.

Holding space for a young adult to talk about all these complex ways of feeling stuck is invaluable, to be heard, understood, valued, and for that person to really see you and still have hope for you is so powerful. To be believed in, as an individual who will have control, who can have opinions and choices, wow, well maybe it is worth getting up for tomorrow.