Why Your Teen Shuts Down - And When They Might Actually Open Up

Tabi swung her bag over her shoulder as she left the school gates, waving goodbye with a cheery “See ya tomorrow! Snap me if you find the homework.” But as she walked, a familiar tightness crept into her chest. Had Sara seemed distant just then? She’d left her at lunch to talk to other friends… maybe Tabi was boring her.

Mr. Downey’s face flashed in her mind, along with the 55% scrawled across her test paper. She didn’t know the class average. If this were a GCSE paper, it’d be a 6, not good enough. His expression hadn’t helped. No smile, no frown. Just… disinterest. God, perhaps she’d even bored Mr. Downey.

Boring and dropping grades. Urghh.

She groaned and kicked a stone down the pavement. All she wanted was to curl up on the sofa and scroll TikTok, let her brain stop chewing over this crap and lose itself in videos of funny animals.

Gemma nudged her trusty Clio forward another few meters in the evening traffic, her mind bouncing between the unfinished reports on her desk, the time she needed to pick Leo up from after-school club, and whether she had enough pasta for dinner.

She hoped to get home not long after Tabi, 20 minutes to check in before she had to rush out again. She was worried about her. Tabi was slipping away, out of reach.

At home, Gemma unloaded the dishwasher on autopilot, glancing toward the sofa where Tabi sat, phone in hand, curled into the cushions.

“How was your day, love?”
“Fine.”
“Any news?”
“Nah, not really.”
“Nice lunch?”
“Hmm.”

She wasn’t even getting words now. Frustration flared in Gemma’s chest, she’d been at work all day, washed the uniforms, cleaned the house, was sorting dinner, and this was all she got? A half-hearted “hmm”?

The clock caught her eye. Time to pick up Leo. Maybe, for both their sakes, it was best to leave it.

The front door clattered shut, and Tabi exhaled, relieved. It was weird, she always looks forward to getting home, to seeing everyone, but the second her Mum gets here, it feels too much. Question after question. She wanted to answer, she really did, but the words wouldn’t come. It wasn’t a bad day. Nothing had happened. But she didn’t feel good either, and she didn’t even understand why, so how was she supposed to explain it?

And then Mum got frustrated, which made her frustrated, because she just wanted to watch this woman train crows to follow her home, in peace. She sank deeper into TikTok.

Tea. Lost PE shorts. Leo’s reading record. TimesTables Rockstars. Signing him up for some club on that stupid school app that always froze. The evening flew by. Once Leo was finally in bed, Gemma took a deep breath and eyed Tabi’s door.

She knocked. A muffled noise. Good enough.

Sticking her head around the door, she found Tabi cross-legged on her bed, surrounded by books and notes, typing away on her laptop.

A teen girl sitting on her bed typing on a laptop surrounded by books.

“Can I come in? If I go downstairs, I’ll have to do the dishes, and I really can’t be arsed.”

Tabi chuckled in understanding and nodded towards the small space at the end of her bed.

Gemma sat carefully, eyed the mess of books. “Looks stressful.”

“Nah, looks worse than it is. Just putting info into a mind map. S’all right.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, Gemma watching the sky fade from blue to black outside the window.

Then, casually, she asked, “Did Taylor get her nose pierced?”

Tabi scoffed. “Nope. Her dad flipped. Said her mum was mental for even considering it.” Tabi shrugged, “makes sense, School would’ve made her take it out anyway.” She hesitated, closing her laptop slightly. “Sara’s been a bit off though. Distant.”

Gemma noticed the dimple as Tabi sucked in her right cheek, a tell tale sign of worry she had since she could walk.

“She’s always been a quiet one,” Gemma mused. “Feels like she carries the weight of the world on her shoulders.” She paused, looking perturbed, “It always niggled at me that she walked to primary school by herself from the age of 8, in this area, can you imagine us doing that with Leo!”

“Yeah, you’re right. Maybe she’s just got stuff going on.”

They chatted a little longer before Gemma finally dragged herself downstairs to face the dishes. As she stood at the sink, she thought about how different that conversation had felt; easier, lighter. Maybe this was it. Maybe this quiet, late-in-the-day time, when the pressure was off, was the time to reach her daughter.

Life is busy, no matter your age, overwhelming and exhausting. The pressure to stay connected with our loved ones, to understand their worlds, is real. But the truth is, we only have small windows of time to do it, and those moments aren’t always the best ones.

Creating a low-pressure space to share, without expectation, matters. Especially with teenagers.