The Tale of Two Halves: December Reflections
December is a tale of two halves.
One half is a frantic flurry: gift-buying, sequins, sparklers, parties, and presents topped with ribbons and bows.
The other is a dark, cosy embrace: warm blankets, festive telly, the good biscuits and a cuppa, a time to pause and be with loved ones.
It isn’t a battle; it’s about what serves you.
If you require connection, music, energy and distraction, then go - connect!
If the autumn has been draining and a space to rest is needed, the excuse of hibernation in the warmth of home is ideal.
Both are likely true, and both are potentially limited by resources. We need time, money, headspace, tolerance, and energy to fully access either one. The holiday season can be genuinely difficult if these resources are scarce. Hold in mind that those around us are working with different capacities, and avoid making assumptions about their resources or needs.
💡 Resourceful Reflections: From Personal Gain to Shared Knowledge
Considering resources and approaches has been a valuable reflection for me this last month, particularly in how I approach learning.
Historically, learning was a purely personal journey. This shifted when I became a supervisor and, again, when I became a writer.
Originally, I believed I was being efficient by only absorbing what was useful for me. My internal monologue during any training or reading would be:
Intro waffle... Sales pitch, blah blah... Oh, that’s useful, takes notes, I see how I can use that, more notes. More waffle with added neurobollocks... Ooo, that’s a good nugget; it might relate to my Wednesday client. Chat, chat, waffle, and the ending sales pitch.
If I got at least a few good nuggets, I would conclude it had been worth my time, tick, CPD done.
This is fine for a purely personal journey focused on what I need. But it doesn’t lead to sharing ethical knowledge with others or encouraging good practice. By paying for and recommending low-quality content, I was enabling the continuation of the waffle, incorrect information, and sales pitch.
This realisation came to a head last year when I quoted a book I’d found useful reflections in. I was fact-checked by an editor (thank you, Hannah!) who informed me it was considered a problematic text. It wasn’t that I hadn’t seen this; my personal reading had simply bypassed the problematic chapters entirely, taking only what was helpful to my work. But it took someone else to remind me that everyone approaches texts differently, and it would be unethical and unhelpful to reference such a text.
The thought of it makes me feel the same way you do when reading an old diary - a bit cringe - but it is important discomfort to sit with and learn from.
Take a moment to pause and check in with your learning journey:
Do you know how you process and absorb information?
Do you consider the author, publisher, and their ethical intent?
Do you think about the best way to disseminate this to others responsibly?
📌 For Supervisors and Tutors Reading:
The way we view the theory that underpins practice and learning feels under greater scrutiny at the moment. This is a great thing, but it may be unsettling for those newer to the field. Offering reassurance about the bigger picture, that the therapeutic world is in a constant state of development and progress, is ultimately a positive message we can share.
📆 Upcoming Events
If you missed my workshop: Working Therapeutically with Teenagers and Young Adults,
you can catch up with the recording at online events. I really enjoyed the chance to chat with other practitioners.
If you’re local and quick, come along to Therapy Network NorthEast’s networking event this Friday, 5th December, 10:15–11:45 am at Ouseburn Farm, Newcastle upon Tyne (NE1 2PA).
I’ll be speaking about my love of working with young adults, and there’ll be time for connection, conversation, and community.
📖 Substacks I’ve Loved Recently
A few pieces that have contributed to the rabbit hole this month:
Polyvagal Neurobollocks - by Ana Lund
Your Personality Does Not Cause Cancer - by Diana Fox Tilson
Sometime Life Will Make You Naturally Anxious - by Drew Linsalata
When Self Care Isn’t Care - by Ailey Jolie
📚 Recent reads
I’ve retreated to the world of detectives and crime. Whilst some might find crime tense, I find the predictable pace of these books comforting when I am busy. Take a detective with some personal foibles and a close team, add a despicable human who has taken a personal interest in the investigating officer, sprinkle tension with a missing person, and drama ensues until the bad guy is caught - just what the therapist ordered.
Books 1, 2 and 3 of the Snowdonia series - by Simon McCleave
My Daughter is Missing - by J.D.Kirk
💡 Ideas to Consider - The Marketing of Self-Care
This month, I mentioned the Substack article When Self Care Isn’t Care by Ailey Jolie, which invites us to consider the marketing of self-care.
Self-care has been packaged into an expensive candle, bath salts, a face mask, athleisure wear, the latest workout, best slippers, or another Stanley Cup. It has become another demanding item on the endless list of things to fail at.
A bubble bath can’t fix poverty. Breathwork doesn’t keep you safe from violence. Self-care is not a solution intended to save or excuse societal failures.
True self-care is an anchor point to support, not a solution to systemic issues.
Recognising the big problems can feel disheartening, but it protects individuals from the sense of personal failure that arises when they believe that if they have the ‘right routine,’ their life will fall into place.
📝 Therapist note: This idea of self-care and routine can become heightened in the reflective space before January 1st. Helping clients and yourself stay mindful of the big picture and the reality of what true self-care is can support long-term well-being and genuine progress.
💭 Closing Thought
Hold in mind what is on offer this busy season and the big picture of what you need: a bit of sparkle, a bit of cheese, an escape, or a normal routine - curate your December through choice, not expectation and pressure.
It’s lovely to share a few quiet moments with you today.
Until next time,
💛🌿 Helen
If you’d like to support my work or are interested in learning more about working therapeutically with young people, you can:
📕Buy my book ☕ and/or Buy me a virtual toasted teacake or cuppa on Ko-fi 💛
📎 Author Note & Transparency: I recommend resources based on a combination of clinical experience and consideration of available evidence. Any suggestions below are offered for interest, not as endorsements of scientific efficacy. Please apply your own critical judgment.