The Meetings, the Emails, the Heartache
Supporting Teens and Young Adults with SEND and SEMH: parents and practitioners supporting young adults in education.
Many parents and carers of young people with SEND (Special Educational Needs and Disabilities) and SEMH (Social, Emotional and Mental Health) needs are secretly working a second job alongside work and family life. This job involves research, advocacy, meetings, and paperwork, all to ensure that their child or young person can safely access education.
This article focuses on supporting young people with SEND or SEMH needs who are in mainstream schools or colleges. I recognise that some families are navigating alternative provision or have experienced placement breakdowns; those situations bring their own challenges and aren’t the focus here, though many of the principles about advocacy, communication, and relational support still apply.
When a young person’s needs don’t fit neatly within the narrow educational norm, making their days accessible, achievable, and emotionally safe can feel like an uphill battle. Add to this the complexities of pursuing assessments, navigating the dreaded EHCP process, and trying to understand a maze of rights and responsibilities before even sitting down with the school - it’s no wonder so many families describe the process as exhausting.
And this doesn’t just affect those with formal diagnoses. Many young people with emerging or complex SEMH needs; anxiety, trauma, burnout, and neurodivergence fall through the gaps entirely. They may not meet the criteria for an EHCP or diagnosis, yet they still need flexibility, understanding, and practical adjustments to remain in education.
📊 The Current Picture
Less than half of EHCPs are now completed in the statutory timeframe (Department for Education, 2024).
As of January 2025, there were over 1.7 million pupils with SEND in England – almost 20% of the school population (DfE, Special Educational Needs in England 2025).
While exact figures are scarce, many SEND parents report spending multiple hours each week, often 4-6 or more, on meeting obligations, paperwork, liaising with professionals, even in ‘ordinary’ weeks, rising substantially in review or crisis periods.
Support SEND Kids (2024) research highlights that a shocking 3 in 4 parents of SEND children have their working life affected, having to cut hours or give up work entirely.
Around one in four pupils on SEN Support have SEMH as their primary need, and while this number is on the rise, it is often underreported or misidentified, making it complicate niche.
Whilst we can see a clear need, the other side of the coin is that schools are often not adequately resourced to offer the support that they are legally and ethically obligated to provide. This comes down to limited funding, training, understanding, available time and headspace, and systemic failures. The result is widening inequality, pockets of young people thriving under creative, well-resourced teams and others being quietly pushed out through absence, part-time timetables, or exclusion.
Despite a 58% real-terms increase in high-needs funding between 2014–15 and 2024–25, the system remains financially unsustainable. The Department for Education (DfE) estimates that 43% of local authorities will have deficits exceeding or close to their reserves by March 2026 (National Audit Office, 2024).
Schools are expected to make reasonable adjustments under the Equality Act and to provide SEN Support, but many lack the staff, specialist training, time and budgets to do this consistently well. That gap produces pressures: poor inclusion, higher exclusions, off-rolling, a growing number of complex EHCPs, and more expensive independent placements.
The suggestion of the NAO report referenced here is explicitly considering whole-system reform, and I agree. This, unfortunately, doesn’t help the staff or parents in the meantime.
💬 Between Policy and Practice
You find yourself in a meeting where the following is said;
“We really want to support your young person - tell us what they need to succeed?”
Erm what!
It sounds positive, but it often places parents in an impossible position. They are not the SEN specialists or mental health leads; they’re parents trying to hold everything together. Meanwhile, professionals feel the frustration of wanting to help but being constrained by limited time and resources.
So, someone mentions a timeout pass, and the ‘support program’ is finalised.
The reality, especially in a high school, can look different. Good intentions get lost in practice. Using a time-out pass when you are already feeling anxious means getting the teacher’s attention and walking out of a room with 30 teenagers staring at you, hoping the shakes or sweat patches are not visible.
Let’s look at some potential interventions in school for anxiety and difficulty in attendance:
Flexible Attendance and Timetabling
Part-time or phased return options.
Flexible start and finish times.
Providing access to online learning when physical attendance is challenging.
Modified Assessment Conditions
Providing extra time or rest breaks during exams and assessments.
Allowing assessments to be taken in a quiet or separate room to reduce anxiety.
Permitting the use of assistive technology or scribes.
Providing flexible deadlines for assignments.
Supportive Learning Environment
Assigning a mentor or key worker to provide regular check-ins and emotional support.
Check in points during transitions.
Designated safe spaces for emotional regulation.
Communication and Planning
Developing an Individual Support Plan (ISP) in collaboration with the student, parents, and relevant professionals, with regular reviews.
Communication between school staff, parents, and external agencies involved in the student’s care.
Staff Training and Awareness
Training staff on mental health awareness and supporting students effectively.
Encouraging a whole-school approach and positive culture around mental health and well-being
As we have seen, well-intentioned plans don’t always work. For both parents and professionals, it can help to ask reflective questions that bridge plans and lived experience. I have worked with students who have thought counselling was the step to being sectioned, that they were about to ‘go into care’, were hated for their struggles, or simply didn’t know where the toilet is - a fairly terrifying prospect!
💭 Questions for Reflection - Parents, Practitioners, and Schools
Access and Understanding
Does the young person know why this intervention has been chosen?
Do they know how to use and access the intervention appropriately?
Are they able to access the intervention, or are nerves, anxiety, fear or accessibility impacting this?
Consistency and Reliability
Is the intervention consistently available?
How does the young person know if there are changes?
Consider staff members being off, the support room being closed, room changes, etc.
Safety in Communication
Does the young person have a trusted person to ask “stupid” questions, without fear or embarrassment? This may be with a trusted staff member, through an advocate, like a parent or friend, or via email or text.
Planning for When Things Go Wrong
What’s the plan when a support measure fails? Because this is inevitable; there is a supply teacher, the support base is flooded, a teacher forgets the support plan, or an emergency precedes the plan? The ‘what ifs’, even if unlikely, can cause fear; knowing there is a procedure or a get-out clause can really help override this fear.
Can the student name their “worst-case scenario” and have adults help plan around it?
Review and Feedback
Often, a formal review may happen with support plans, but more regular check-ins can be just as beneficial for little niggles. The admin of life and education can be overwhelming. So, there is a chance to ask for help in clarifying the homework, what to do when there is no toilet roll, check that the teacher isn’t mad at them, and that they can wear the jumper without the scratchy logo.
These questions can transform a well-meaning support plan into something relational, responsive, and meaningful. This is the work that makes inclusion real.
Reflective supervision or peer consultation can strengthen this work. Great practice is often based on knowledge and communication. When effective plans are created, anonymised examples should be shared within peer networks or across schools. Hints and tips shared during peer supervision or by a lead professional across clusters of schools or within the Local Authority. Educational staff given time, autonomy and encouragement to network and explore good practice.
The same applies to parents; being a parent can often feel lonely, and trying to support our young people at home, never mind in education, can feel like a solitary battle. Parent groups can offer validation, ideas, information, and solidarity. Local organisations and charities can help families connect with area-specific support.
🌱 The System and the Space Between
The SEND and SEMH system is stretched to breaking point, but it’s also full of people who care deeply. Parents, teachers, and therapists are often trying to do the same thing from different directions: to help a young person feel seen, safe, and capable.
For parents, those long nights of emails and forms aren’t defiance; they’re love in administrative form.
For professionals, the effort to adapt, reflect, and hold space amid impossible workloads is a quiet act of integrity.
Systemic reform will take years. But relational reform, the kind that starts in everyday conversations, check-ins, and moments of listening, is already happening.
🌿 Closing Thought
Progress for a teenager with SEND or SEMH needs rarely looks neat.
Success comes in small steps, and for all involved, this is about feeling heard and having the resource to action something; walking through the school gates, having the time to check in with the young person, sourcing the right fidget toy, sitting with a cuppa to smiles.
Small steps, held consistently and compassionately, change more than policy ever can.
Whether you are reading as a professional, a parent or someone interested in therapy, I would love to hear your thoughts and reflections. Please share a comment or message.
Until next time,
💛🌿 Helen
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